Self-harmony
How our messes birth beauty
Harmony is disgusting.
It is what most believe chaos to be.
The lion eating the zebra is just as harmonious as the zebra eating the grass.
Chaos is the lack of true nature, like a lion in a zoo. No matter how safe and secure the animal is, a part of its true nature has been severed, leaving it to create a life within the confines of its controlled existence.
While a cage may serve as an excellent center for research (or imprisonment), it is not what one pictures when they consider their meaning of harmony.
How do you feel when you feel caged in?
When life is overwhelming, and we seem to end up right where we began despite our most valiant efforts, can we truly say we are free? Or are we enslaved to a chaotic system of internal struggle?
The first Noble Truth of Buddhism is that life is suffering.
Whether it is bills, health scares, breakups or breakdowns, suffering is inevitable.
It attacks the rich, the poor, the young, and the old.
It preys on the strong as well as the weak, as it sees no difference between the two.
With the inevitably of suffering, we attempt to build lives as ideal as we can imagine, until the suffering evolves to include those dreams.
What a fucking mess!
Some people see this and give up. They fall victim to the messiness of suffering, which if they truly looked hard enough, would actually appear to be harmony.
Harmony is suffering, and suffering is harmony.
To suffer is to live. It is the illusion of the body and mind. It is the seeker, and what is sought. It is the desire of existence itself.
Think about your friend who is ultimately complacent. They have what they want, and aren’t looking for any change or growth.
Life for them seems to be a nice walk along the beach, at least from the view of a sinking ship.
They are satisfied, and it is beautiful for them.
Even this comparison creates suffering, as there is an image of another embracing a more fair life than one’s own.
Yet, a beautiful life does not make that life any less messy. No matter how deep or how shallow, the individual’s personal experience has shaped their view of the world, and ultimately their view of themselves in relation to their own world. Whether limited or fulfilled, they are an embodiment and reflection of their desires and beliefs.
The messy life of harmonics is one of intention and self-reflection, while the one of chaos is of avoidance and submission.
Think about the architecture of classical chapels. While seemingly chaotic, every little carving is intentional and in relation to another. Meanwhile, the brutalist blocs of Soviet countries represent efficiency yet reflect a cold, lifeless home of chaos appearing as structure and support.
Our internal worlds are much of the same.
As we follow routine, and lose the present moment for an anticipation of what we believe is to come based off of past experience, we create a devastating home for our internal beauties.
We demand the energy that gives us life to stay put, and punish it for ever trying to bring awareness to its lack of exposure.
We use various methods to shut down the parts of us we deem too messy, to angry, too lonely, and too depressed to be acknowledged as human, and demand them to be subservient, all the while turning ourselves into victims of their screams.
Eventually, the pressure becomes too much for these parts, and they lash out on us and our lives, creating the chaos we see as separate from our being, ruining our perceived journeys towards the lives we know we truly deserve.
If only we could see the outward chaos has been created from the restraint we refuse to be with and the pain we avoid feeling.
Like a neglected child, these feelings will do anything for our attention- not to hurt us, but to know they are safe.
Harmony exists within the crying child, chaos is created in their abandonment.
We may have known that child.
We may have been that child.
The messiness of life is what makes it so appealing.
Some might ask - what is appealing about war, poverty, murder, rape, child abuse, death of loved ones, etc?
The answer is nothing is, but the emergence of those affected from these abhorrent situations create heroes.
The people who have experienced hell and back can attest to the resiliency of humans, simply by looking in the mirror. Some may deny themselves or even hurt themselves or others, but the one’s who stay connected to their inherent value as a being who was once and still is as pure as a newborn baby will eventually reveal something phenomenal about themselves that we all share… yet some never seem to access.
If those who achieve this level of awareness choose to spread their gift or live in peace is of their choosing, and they deserve either experience.
Some may move in silence and some may podcast about it. Regardless, our pain reveals the depths to which we can overcome hardship, and this displays the true harmony of the spirit.
There is no need to doubt your pain.
Give credit to your chaos.
Meet it. Sit with it. Listen to it. Comprehend where it is coming from and have compassion for what it wants to tell you.
It is not the enemy.
There is a version of us that has continued to deny the pain its voice.
This idea we have become that we are afraid to let go of has kept us safe from that pain for so long.
If we could meet this internal suffering with curiosity and understanding rather than guilt and shame, we can give ourselves the capacity to do so for others as well.
It is our internal chaos asking us to see the harmony that created it.
It is our true Self asking us to let go of needing to protect it any longer.
It is me, you, and everyone else asking to embrace the greatness we were born with.
Maybe today can be another step towards that.
Love you all.
Jordan
If anyone is interested in booking a 1 on 1 concerning nutrition and/or psychology, I am a certified Nutritional Therapist and lover of all things body and mind.
We will go deep on the psychological blocks to feeling great in life regardless of circumstance, as well as the self-limiting beliefs that can lead to poor eating habits and body functionality.
If that sounds up your alley, or you know someone who has been struggling in this way, I’d love to work with you. Let me know at jordmcdan@gmail.com. Include your name and what you would like to work on, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.